It’s weird how things can change from one day to the next. No, the daydream I talked about yesterday didn’t materialize, but things turned out okay today. For one, as soon as I got out of my car to walk to school, my friend who parks next to me gave me a card. That was really nice and started my day off great. It was special to me. Next, I had the class that I have with the girl that I liked. Or still do like. The jury’s still up on that one. I swear the most that happened between us today was that we made eye contact. That’s it. I was really hoping that she would’ve at least said something to me, but alas she did not. It’s okay though since the day got better. For the next couple classes I was depressed, asking my friend if it was worth it to talk to her myself. My stance is that if she really wanted to be my friend then she would have to initiate conversation first. Anyways, lunchtime came around and my best friend and I usually go sit with my old crush. Or current. The jury’s still up on that one. So we sat with them (her and her friends) but I took a second to go to the bathroom first. As I was in there, I thought about past times with her and I. I wondered why she liked me before. Long story short, she did like me in the past but things just didn’t work out. I came upon an answer: It was because I was completely confident. You see, usually when we flirt it’s at a party. When I’m at a friend’s party, I’m 100% myself. I’m just confident and having a good time. So that’s what I had to do: Stop worrying so much about what everyone else thought of me and have a good time. So when I went to go talk, it was not awkward. It’s not like I kicked ass or anything, but it was casual. It was just a really nice time. Though it was kinda meh when the entire table starting assuming I liked some girl… Ugh. They like brought it up and interrogated me. Does that mean she doesn’t like me? I mean maybe I’m seeing it as a bad sign if my old crush is asking me about who I like… Wait a minute. I’m an idiot. Shouldn’t that mean the opposite? … So confused. Anyways I quite like tumblr. I’ve been updating it consistently and it helps me practice my writing, even though I’m not working on my book that much anymore. Though I still would like to get back to my book. I’m drawing a lot more manga/anime lately. It’s looking a lot better. I’m having trouble drawing people looking to the side but I think I’ve realized my problem. Well anyways, I’ve got some anime to watch right now. If you liked this post, go ahead and follow holdingontohikari. Bye-bye.
So my Sunday, as the title hints, was friggin’ awesome. It was just chill. I woke up in the morning with my two best friends. Well not with them… You know what I mean. Right? Anyways, I showed them the game Catherine as one of my friends just rushed me to get to the part where we meet Catherine. He had to leave right before the cut scene happened too. After that, me and my other friend played ping pong, and then I went home. When I got home, I did homework…You see what I did there? I’m gonna be saying that a lot, just to let you know :P So then I got that homework done and started playing piano. It’s pretty damn hard, but I’m gonna keep doing it. I really would like to do the talent show so that the girl that I liked can see me play piano. It’s probably a subconscious desire of mine for her to see how dumb she was for what she did. Though I guess it’s not subconscious anymore since I acknowledge it. Then after playing piano, my dad and I went to mass and even though mass really isn’t my thing, it wasn’t kinda peaceful, though I hate admitting it. Next we went to the movies with family friends to see Safe House. People might tell you that movie sucks, but don’t believe them! It’s awesome. Denzel Washington does no wrong. Ever. So then we went home, and I was determined to beat Catherine. See, I thought I was on the final boss and it was eleven when we got home. Turns out I had about 8 more nightmare stages (two of which were bosses) to complete. I wasn’t gonna go to sleep without beating the game. So once my dad went to sleep, I went upstairs and I played…until 12:30 at night. Hence why I didn’t update yesterday. Today, I was so tired. To be honest, I’m pretty much asleep right now. Actually, on a random side note, I’ve sleep typed before. It was pretty funny cause when I woke up, the name Caius from Final Fantasy XIII-2 was on my paper, along with my own odd conjectured story for the game. I haven’t even played it yet: I’ve only listened to the soundtrack. Well, back to today. Woa. I just heard I weird sound in the corner of the room. Creepy. Back to today! A couple noteworthy events. 1. The girl I was extremely into was looking at me in class. It made me happy…I just don’t know what to say to her though. She did break my heart, so I want her to approach me. But that leads us to event 2. I think she might have said hi to me at the end of the day. Okay so I was walking by her talking to a couple of her friends in a hall. There were multiple people in the hall and a couple seconds after I walked by her, I heard “Hi (insert my name here)” I have absolutely no idea if it was her, but I just kept walking. Tomorrow’s valentine’s day. I’ve been having daydreams of her giving me a note saying she loves me and me taking her out of the classroom and kissing her. I’ve gotta get over her. Well, I have a video to edit. I will talk to you all soon. Peace.
When you wake up early and can’t go back to sleep? Well, I mean that’s not exactly today for me, cause 7:30’s not that bad but you know I used to wake up at 6:00 sometimes and just not be able to sleep. So here I am, blogging. :) You know, I really like this whole tumblr thing. It’s much different than writing a journal on your own. I remember when I used to write my own journal at my house and always addressing it to someone. As if I big audience was gonna read it some day. I even wrote in the first couple entries that I wanted to give it to my eventual kids. So I continued to write to these hypothetical kids. Usually I would just write in it when something bad would happen. My dream was to leave a legacy behind in the journal so that years and years from now, when I pass away, I will still live in my writings. This is what I can do with my tumblr blog. It plays into how I’m afraid of eternity. When I’m dead, my writings will still contain my soul. It’s a sort of indirect immortality. That’s why writing has always been my passion. Ever since I was young, once I got out of the notion that I didn’t want to be a doctor (I only wanted to because my dad was one) I knew writing was my calling. I actually am writing a book, but it’s easily been about 8 months since I’ve touched it. I’ve been so dead set on getting a girlfriend, but I need to cultivate my talents. Maybe the reason why I can’t talk to one girl in particular (different from the one that was previously mentioned in all the other posts) is because I feel inferior. There’s nothing that special about me and it probably just reminds me when I’m around her. I don’t even know. Well, as always if you read this post make sure to follow holdingontohikari. I think I’m gonna go play Catherine now :D Oh and quick shout-out to nickthejam who liked my “eternity scares me” post. Thanks a bunch for the like it made me happy yesterday :) Bye-bye
Spider-Man Unmasked by Brother Brain.
Based on the in-game health gauge: complete skeleton meant game over!
The Amazing Spider-Man (C64) Paragon Software 1990.
That’s just awesome…
Is that how you say it? I wish-s? Or probably -es. Ah well. Any who, it’s true. I wish I didn’t hate this girl, I wish I knew how to play piano, I wish I could draw manga/anime, I wish I could dance. Bunch of stuff. But something I heard the other day made me motivated. I don’t even remember where from but I heard it. It was something like, “what distinguishes successful people from nobodies, is the ability to get off your ass and do something about it.” The actual quote was probably much more graceful. Anyone heard the FF13-2 soundtrack yet? It’s amazing. I wanna play Serah’s theme on the piano. The only problem is that I can’t even use my left hand to play yet. My friend told me I can’t just play a couple notes a day and expect to be able to play a symphony. He’s right. But man, I’m just lazy. Or maybe I’m afraid of failure. Who knows really. If you read this, make sure to follow holdingontohikari. Otherwise, this”ll probably be it for today. I’m so dead after the two tests today. My dignity’s a little bit scared because of Pre-Calc. That’s the class I own at, but it didn’t go well today. Oh well. Oh yea and the girl: I walked by her today and she pretended to do something on her phone as I did. I know I’ve been ignoring her purposely, but it kinda hurts when you see they’re ignoring you too. Just gotta stay strong. See you later space cow-people. Yea I don’t wanna say guy or girl cause you could be either gender… Anyways, bye-bye.
I love this song…
It was used in the anime Durarara!!
The band’s name is ROOKieZ is PUNK’D
I do not own the song in anyway…DISCLAIMER!!
It’s a concept that scares the living heck outta me. I don’t why it just does. The notion of being stuck in the same state forever is plain creepy. In any case, it relates to the problem I’ve been having with this girl. You see, I was talking to my friend today about his women issues and I used the example of what was happening to me lately. I told him that since the girl I liked sentenced me to the friend zone, I had grown cold towards her. Basically, I hated her, and I still do hate her. I really wish I didn’t but the fact is I have a seething, burning dislike for her. She does move at the end of this year though. Is it really worth it to gather all this hate? I doubt it but I can’t help myself. What she did was wrong and I even talked to a friend of mine that’s a girl about it. She agrees with me. Telling me that it was “not a no” and nothing was being “ruled out” and expecting me not to take it as if there was a chance for us going out is completely terrible of her. At the same token, I did value her friendship. I always had a vision in my head of the end of the year ending like an anime - As she walks off, I yell “Aishiteru!” Then she runs back and kisses me… Wow this is getting really personal. I wish that fantasy was a reality. Should I tell her I love her? Probably not, that would be weird. Though, since she is leaving, I’ve got nothing to lose. We’ll see what happens. If you read this, make sure to follow holdingontohikari. In the mean time, I gotta finish all the homework I’ve got to do. There’s a physics test that needs to get schooled tomorrow. See what I did there? Well good night folks.
